Interview

Today was a rough day for me. I usually write poetry to express myself but I have no words to convey how I feel right now. I am an Accounting major that is graduating this year, and that means that I have officially have joined the job market. The fact that US economy is not doing well is an understatement. Therefore, I jumped at the chance of the opportunities implied by the career development center at my school.
Funny thing is that I am a transfer student from a community college in the boroughs of New York City and decided to complete my bachelors at a suburban private school. I considered this as a treat for being a hard working individual that had stayed focused on attaining her education despite the personal problems in her life.
Boy, was I wrong?!!!! I admit the student body is really nice and open to other students and that is what initially attracted me to the school. The people in charge on the other hand are a different story. When I went to the admissions office I was with my mom,and I wanted her to be an integral part of the process of choosing my future school. Being a first generation you always feel like your adrift in the ocean in the middle of two ships and you have no anchor to either one of them. When I when to shake the admissions lady's hand she gave me the nastiest look. She didnt care that professionally she looked bad at not retuning the gesture and that her colleagues were watching. Finally, after she made sure I wasn't welcome she shook my hand.
Let me tell you guys being a Muslim American sucks. My mom dresses traditionally and she is an important part of my life and let me tell you I am not going to be a point of contention just to assimilate in society. Just because my mom was there this is how I was treated. She did not even care about giving a good impression of the school to a prospective student. This shocking considering that the tuition for the school I attend is not cheap. Around 30000 dollars a year more likely!!!!
Finally, to bring it back to the main point, I had an interview today which was initiated through the career center of the University. The fact that the timing was changed multiple times was not helpful and put me out of a loop. When I got there , in one piece, I was privy to a conversation. I did not know that it applied to me. The conversation was with the lady that dealt with the Accounting recruiting process and her colleague. They mentioned how one of the Big four public accounting firms were actually having the interviews every 20 minute intervals, the colleague was asking her why she did not add the last applicant to the list when there was actual room for her.
Guess who that applicant was apparently ??? ME!!!!!!
I am sitting for the interview in the lobby and Lady that dealt with my application came to me and tried to play it off like I was the one who was at fault. She was like did you know that you were accepted to the position at such and such firm. I told her that I was sent an automatic email from panther zone that said I was declined. She said that was for the auditor position and that was not for the tax position. Hello!!!! I never applied for the auditor position. She was like you are accepted for the interview and that she will talk to me later in reference to that. How is that possible? You can apply for only one position per firm. The Lady had to save face with her fellow colleague. Her colleague was looking on during the conversation.
Funny thing how I first went to apply for the program the same lady thought I was an international student due to the fact that I don't have a American name. Like what happened to being unique and proud of your roots. Unfortunately, that is not the case.
But I am not suppose to question society but just assimilate myself to what the majority of the so called people .

Monopoly

Isolated on this exotic island of my thoughts,
I've been on the last few days,
Contemplating my inner discord.

I have found myself shaking off the shadows of people
who try to mold their image into mine.
They give themselves many names in my life and yet they hunger to destroy me.
with their views they try to reshape the mold of my mind.

I have anchored myself on this rock,
of stubbornness some might say........
or frivolous self center that is bound to erupt with your boundless contempt.

You demean and try to gain my sympathy of the worlds flaws and yet I know you see the
youthful side of yourself that had dared to dream and had failed.
At this point I am sick of your self pity for it hasn't propelled no ship in the ocean
rather had made it sink due to a hole of your own self making.

I take my gift back of acceptance for you don't deserve it.
You have no value of this gift when you fling your judgments in my face,
which has proven your ingratitude and has made me even more cynical in the aspects of the human nature.

Funny I should surround myself with people who don't understand the monopoly's standpoint.
Albert Einstein was a heretic for his words and his ideas.
Vincent van Gogh was thought as crazy for his frustrations and the lack of an ear.
Yet you admire these men and use them as a resource for your inspirations.

Your parroting of your open mindedness has made you the complete opposite.
Have you realized that yet? I wonder?

I Am not diminished by your falter or your lack of support.
Despite the adversity I've always been the victor.
My enemies have admired my perseverance.
You have joined their ranks so be it.

But remember the monopolies were the Great thinkers of our time......
They were mocked for their ideas by their fellow peers and
you make the same error when you do the same,
For in the process you have only closed yourself to the world
in a box of your own deploring state
that disintegrates with the passage of time.

You wont find me in your presence,
for you lack the inner strength in yourself of being a warrior.
your negativity will no longer effect the inner monopoly in me for I realized
your search of crumbs has left you with no shell
the shell of exploring the mysteries of this world
and being stout in your beliefs.
Not just with yourself but with the world,
for that is where it really counts!

PAIN

I wanted to see your face
for such a long time.........
In the process I have stopped eating
and feel like the well of my inspiration is drying
It will change into this dessert terrain
That nobody will recognize
That terrain causes a thirst,
A thirst of completion,
of the unknown but of a stable future
that can give me what nobody ever gave me.....
ACCEPTANCE....

This word defines who I am .......
An individual with a broken heart
that gave everything to her mom, her family, and then to you
REJECTED!

I always wonder was I at fault......
Being a woman and emotional creature that I am .......
I always lay the blame......my own two feet.....
I wonder what if ......

You wouldn't understand the turmoil inside.
The raging cyclone that smothers me and makes me explode.
Yet I still yearn for your face and wonder
WHAT IF......

If I changed this would you have accepted me?
or
If I changed that would you have desired me?

These questions are the tools of torture that I have prescribed myself.
I will always remember the way my emotions became the avalanche of rocks......
Who was crushed more?
Was it me? Or was it you?

I always have considered myself the phoenix..
Rising from the ashes no matter how many deaths......
Or a cat with claws, yet nine lives that she uses in order to fulfill her curiosity..
Hope is the only reason that I push myself to raise in the morning ......
To chase the clouds of my happiness and my dreams......
The rain has dampened me
Yet I dance in the rain and embrace the lightening .......
Someday you will understand the turmoil I faced ......
At the edge of a future with no view
But infinite promise.

Hate

Today, you called me around three saying how much you missed me.
I was annoyed and said I missed you more,
Then you went onto say how you wanted to see me and lets hang out and chill.......
I sighed inwardly and realized that I didn't want to see your face.
The past was like a shadow and I still was angry at what happened the day before.
I said yes when I meant NO........

Why couldn't I just have said what should have been said.......
Time heals all wounds I've been told and yet the scars remain.....
I know that the crumbs of yesterday are barely there,
the happiness is lacking in what we have and the love has changed into something I dont want............
Honestly, I don't want you in my life cause I know its the same for you...........
That pains me....... the glimpse that you gave me of love and yet the words that come from your mouth
Lack the conviction, that is obvious
The lack of respect and the nostalgic look you give over your shoulder.......
You promised bliss and a life of adventure .........
Yet you dont think twice when you curse me out,
not once thinking of the respect I might hold for you.....

I cry for myself not for "us" cause there is no "us" ......
We thought individually not together like we should have been.....
I had hoped that despite the gulf between us you would wade into the sea .....
And say "Baby no matter what I love you and will be there for you"......

I've seen hate,  family hold for another,
Race spitting at each other despite the fact that the boroughs embrace all........
Comments made on the street for no reason then to utter words that aren't necessary and cause pain....

So, I have to bend myself and despite my misgivings I say ........
I forgive you and will give you the time you need to grow .......
I don't want to destroy the images of romance that I cherish ....
Of the white knight that will slay the dragon and save me in my tower.....

In the ball of hate I find FORGIVENESS,
I hope to take this as a life lesson learned and taught well
by the master called karma and fate.

Education

Like a well of water...................
It flows continuously
Its bounty never ending.
The infinity that I most explore has not escaped me.......
Yet, I lack the patience and time to endure the fruits of its exploration.

I've had many distractions,
that many can relate to.
Love which is a bondage,
Family which contrives to make one live within a box.
Life which battles are trivial to some,
Difficult to others,
Yet passes like a breeze for all of us......

The sands of time wont stop for no one.
As you may well know,
What we make of it,
Speaks of the endurance that lies within......

To pursue the unattainable is the best that we can be,
For we know that the journey is never complete.......
To have pursued ones want and needs is the best that one can do by oneself.

I want to be remembered for the scholar that I am.
To be respected for being my own person,
To stand out, against the crowd,
Education has given me that,
Has filled my hunger,
for being recognized for who I am.
No regrets my friends for the knowledge I have obtained
has given me a thirst for the life tomorrow.

Shades

As a child I was pleased,
with everything that I would see.
I easily dismissed things that bothered me.
My mind did not grasp society's ways,
But dealt with it through a child's forget fullness.

When I grew up ,
I realized RACE is a word to be reckoned with.
RELIGION came next,
Beliefs came close,

Children have a view of the world,
that lacks discrimination.
They understand and accept the word different easily.

What happened to be unique?
What happened to the broad minded people that lived in this world?
That taught differences were good and led to innovation.

I tell people my heritage ,
they give me a look,
of horror,
of fear,

Yet I still go on PROUD,
With a smile on my face,
Never lying just being the truth, the truth of who I am.
Fierce,

I have a culture to be proud of.
I can trace my ancestors through the span of time.
Yet the U.S. wants everybody to uniform to society.
To criticize who we are and hide our true selves.
To be ashamed of what our ancestors stand for and their accomplishments.

Lastly,
I want to leave you with food for thought,
Media may show the deviance in race,
Yet don't forget they are still the tiny fish in the sea.
Don't judge them by the criminals protrayed.
Every society has the bad guys,
Just don't disregard the silent voices of the good people in this world.
For they still exist in every society,
No matter the race,
The religion,
The beliefs that they might share.1

TRUTH VS LIE

When I spoke the Truth it was a lie.
When I lied you believed me.

Why is that the case ?
Why cant you see the really me?
Why do I feel like I am in a glass case?
Screaming to be heard.........
When will the glass crack?
When will all of the restraints of life be gone and released?

Why do we love someone who controls every waking moment,
DREAMS?

Being with you, is to lose my dreams.
I fought many battles to be myself,
I cant sacrifice the ultimate prize,
the prize of being FREE

My spirit deserves to be free,
To be accepted for who I am,
For life is to short to settle.
For settling is for those who are afraid to live!

I have fought battles with strangers,
FAMILY AND FRIENDS
To be with you,
The sacrifice though shouldn't include losing myself,
as an entity, as a woman, as a scholar.

Dumb People

People can be so arrogant at times that it is so ridiculous. They hate on you if you have a better life then them. They never consider that it is hard work that has given you these rewards and that they should do the same. My room mate happens to be one of them. She is such an arrogant person that always wants people to revolve around her. Her world consists of her being the nicest person and the rest just being her subordinates. She is always envious of other people and always hordes worldly goods to make herself feel better. Once I asked her to help me out with a question in reference to my school. Her boyfriend went to the same school as me and I asked him to explain something to me. He was like your a freshman and that is why you don't know anything. I was like whatever am not even a freshman am a junior. Its not really any of yr business as far as I am concerned. So just keep your stupid opinions to yourself!

Words

Words are so meaningless and yet they mean so much,
To me and you.
We cherish the word "love" and yet it becomes a burden to me.
I hate you more then I love.
I hate the fact that you took advantage of my innocence,
I look in the mirror and all I see is a gaunt face and the lack of youth,
It should be abundant in this time of my life.

You gave me debt and pain.
I still feel it right now as I write this.
You gave me more burdens financially and emotionally.
You say you want to fix this !
Ha I laugh in your face.
The love has changed into hatred,

All you care is about the way you are perceived by the world.
Do you care about what I see.
No. That's what I feel in this emotionally nightmare created by the word "us".

I feel like laughing hysterically.
I feel like doing something crazy and then claiming insanity as a mode of escape.
You do not have a care for me.

I do not care what the world may think.
I am sick of you and of myself and the stupid dreams you used to ensnare me with.


I will no longer dream of belonging with you anymore.
For in the end it will only destroy me.

Friendship

This poem is for all the people that understand the value of friendship

You've got the gift
to thaw the thinnest ice.

My heart was like this
the day we met,
Somehow you past
all my defense.

In the end
you proved it true,
That friendship can come through.
Can bloom like the prettiest roses
Can make you sigh with bliss.

No one understood,
The way I felt
You were the first to comprehend.

The gift you gave me is most dear,
Then any jewelry
That one can possess.

You gave me kindness
where I felt pain
You gave me hope
When I felt dumped
You gave me wisdom
Where I felt foolish
You GAVE more then anyone!

Unlike the people who'd known me since birth.
Ignored and neglected me like dirt.

You always be
the one to give me hope, joy and encouragement.
Until the end of time
in this world of mine.

I give you the utmost thanks
For accepting my faults and folly's
For being my sturdy rock in times of sorrow.
For being someone special.

For giving a special significance
to the word "friend".