Urban books and the public library

                  I never thought that I would find antagonistic forces at the Brooklyn Public Library. On this occasion I went to the Highlawn Branch and boy did I come across some great staff that exhibited unprofessional behavior. Libraries aren't what they use to be anymore. In my childhood they were actually a quiet place where you could  hear a pin drop. Nowadays they are staffed with bullies that mock you and mumble underneath their breathes without giving a fig about being professional. Relaxing with a book is so not an option.
                 My tale begins with a protagonist, myself, who battles evil forces just to maintain civility at the library. So I walk in and I was talking on the phone with my boyfriend about a personal matter, I find a table empty of any occupants which is a rarity. I sit down and take out my keys on the table and my notebook. I thought this was a perfect opportunity for some quality time writing. I was still in the midst of the conversation  and one of the female staff members passes by the table looking for keys. She sees my keys on the table which I had just taken out of my bag not more then a minute ago and asked a young man if those were his keys. I looked and scrutinized her. Why would she think I have his keys with a female shoe key chain on it? I suppose one can always consider that the young man had a shoe fetish. I guess my notebook was also his and just happened to be at my house hence inside my bag!! So the woman starts looking for keys at the computer terminals and when she noticed everybody raising their heads and looking at her she said "I am not looking at you but for his keys!"
               My phone conversation was still ongoing at this point and I was having an argument. At this point the a male staff member came with a cart of books and DVDs, banging it right into to my table. For the point of this narrative we'll call him Yuri. Since he was not wearing a name tag and lacked the manners to introduce himself that is what we will go by. So he grabs my attention and then the mumbling began. It was incoherent at best but it was a common incident when I am in the library and this Yuri was working. I was starting to fume, I understood if  this was coincidental once, twice maybe even three times but this happened every time I came here and this Yuri was working. I had enough!!!! So I got up and went to him saying, " Would you stop looking at me and mumbling at the same time!" He didn't respond right away but I walked away to find a supervisor. I found the previous female staff member and I asked her who the supervisor was. I went to the supervisor with that female staff member and found myself being spurned with her saying, "If you need help you can go to that female at that desk." I responded with, "I would like to speak to a supervisor."  During this time while I was waiting for her that individual came back and yelled at me so loudly that the whole library heard. He said, " I would not look at you. I am not interested in looking at you". I turned around and told him, "Well maybe you should be professional then." She came back after the encounter and I  angrily said, "I find being the target of this type of behavior very strange and weird. Whenever I come to the library this guy always bumps into the table I am sitting at and mumbles when he passes me. I really don't understand this behavior". I continued, "Considering this is a public library I don't  understand how he always ends up at my table, mumbling and staring. Should I consider myself in danger? I find it also very unprofessional and makes me uncomfortable. I really don't find this coincidental any longer since it has exceeded more then three encounters." She asked me who he was and walked away without further conversation.
          Albeit I can see that I was coming across as a drama queen with the use of the word "danger" but I was trying to make her understand how acutely uncomfortable I was.
          Wordlessly she took me and Yuri into a room, that was used for tutoring or  homework, where I repeated what I said to her. I also mentioned that I was with a person last time that witnessed that behavior and that this time I was by myself. He shuffled his feet and didn't make any eye contact with me or her. He responded saying that he was just talking to himself so he could figure out his work. He was only there so he can shelve the DVDs and books. His supervisor responded by saying that he should be aware of his environment and if he needed a moment to himself  he should go to a private room. His body language and mumbling might make other people uncomfortable. Then she turned around and apologized to me for the occurrence. I accepted the apology and left. She had further private conversation with Yuri that I wasn't privy to.
          I found myself an isolated corner where he hopefully wouldn't bump into me again. I stayed there for a while reading interchangeably with writing. Nevertheless, I couldn't concentrate and gave up. Heaving a sigh I finally got up because I wanted to print something from the computer terminal. I ended up at the printer and swiped for my printout. The printer wasn't working and just when I was about to scratch my head another female staff member approached with some other person who had a similar problem before. To further understand my narrative I will describe her appearance and give her a name Anne. Anne was a Black woman that use to be very heavy but lost weight dramatically in a short span of time. I had seen her at this library over the course of more then three years and she was a fixture. Anne attitude was very abrupt and annoyed. Whats wrong with the printer?" Thrown off by her sudden appearance at the onset of my new predicament I replied, "Uhhhh................. It doesn't work." Shortly after I realized she was talking  to another person. She pressed a couple of buttons and rushed away bumping into me so hard that my bag almost fell onto the floor. I looked behind me and didn't understand why she brushed by me so closely when there was literally no one  next to me and so much room! She apologized. I got my printout and started looking for books.
          I found a couple of books by authors that I had read before. Then I came across a book which is considered to be from, brace yourself...................... the urban genre. Not one to discriminate and a reader of all types of books, I picked it up. The title read "Hell's Diva" By Anna J. It was a thin book and a fast enough read. I had been introduced to urban books while I was in Junior High School but I never read a book until I worked as a young professional. My fellow co-worker had given me a book with the title of "Bitch" by Deja King which had mesmerized me. That had opened me to Urban Books and a different world.   I went to check out my books and found that I couldn't take the book out. There was some sort of technically difficulty which just added to my eventful library experiences.
         I approached information with the book and no alias a woman by the name of Bridget. She was baffled and didn't know how to fix the problem. There was a volunteer who joined us and was interpreting what I guessed to be Chinese, to an elderly Asian woman. At this point I was just a fly on the wallpaper and utterly ignored without resolution to my problem. I got impatient at one point and mentioned if I could take the book out or not. She whispered she needed my help and raising an eyebrow I tried to help. The only conclusion she could come up with was that it was my card which wasn't really mine that caused the problem. I told her if that was the case  then I shouldn't have been able to take any book out! Relieved she saw Anne come out and told her I needed help.
   A child with his mom rushed by me and tried to resolve their issue first. Bridget tried to intervene and said I was here first. I found that ironic since she ignored me for someone else earlier. Anne just shrugged her shoulders.
          Finally I gave her the book I wanted to borrow. All of a sudden I heard a soft spoken utterance, "You read that kinda urban book?" I turned around and said, "Yeaaaaaa............" It was a woman of small stature, chocolate in complexion and from what I could tell a friend of Anne's. She barked in laughter "Hell's Diva" while Anne laughed alongside with her. Apparently the title was very comical yet I didn't get the jest. Then she turned around and said, "Where did you get the book?" "From the new books section" I replied. At this point  Anne told me she had to the link the book so I could take it out. Her friend asked Anne if it was from the Young adult section at the she time chucking to herself. I took my book receipt and exasperated thanked Anne. I walked away from this horrid experience fully understanding why supposed young adults, such as myself don't  want to read much of anything. With such adults who love to guffaw at young readers preferences, I am not surprised. Suffice it to say I am not a young adult and found it in the Adult section.
          I heard Anne's friend ask her my name and Anne's response " She didn't borrow the books using her library card".  I guess the privacy of the library card holder is irrelevant.

           

Fairy Tales

    Next week I will be writing journal entries about Fairy Tales. Every little girl and yes boy, has heard a fairy tale that they remember from their childhood. I will mention shows, stories and themes which are common in our society which can be originally derived from a Fairy Tale. Considering the holidays I thought the timing was perfect!!!!

Journal Entry No 13: Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress (Written May 12, 2012)

               The point of conception is considered very important in the book. The fact that the Miller is witnessing the moment of conception is very ironic because of his lewd songs. The songs were rowdy in nature and could have gotten him arrested by the current  political regime.
              The Miller actually contemplates the repercussions of their act and is unaware that he is also in the same lot as the couple. Luos' point of view is not as interesting as the Little Seamstress. She is well aware of the fact that people might consider her similar to a "dog". She wants to make Luo "happy" which shows her naivete and does not convey how grave her situation might become. This is all before her transformation to her  city sophistication.
              Her scar is forever and will be the proof of the event being embalmed in her life. She will carry the physical momenta wherever she goes.  In the end she runs away. I wonder if Luo was even aware that she was pregnant and of her abortion. Luo shows no inclination that he was about to be a father. I wonder if he would have exhibited any remorse or sadness for the termination of his child.
              I believe the reason the author mentioned the sex of the fetus was very significant. It shows the vulnerability of the female sex. The child is created because of Balzac. The child would have not existed if it wasn't for Balzacs' stories. The child does have a magical aspect at the moment of her conception.
              I think the ending was proper considering all the implications and ironies in the novel. A lot is left to the readers imagination by the author.

Journal Entry Number 12: Chicken with Plums

   This journal entry deals with the visit on May 3rd 2012 at the MOMO, which I found very delightful. It was to watch a movie called "Chicken with Plums" which was directed by Marjane. The author of Persepolis, was physically present and I was hoping that I would get her autograph. As I walked into the MOMO, I noticed the long line and found out that the technical difficulties was behind the long line. While I was standing in line a guy cleared his throat and excused himself. I turned around and there was Marjane Satrapi. At first I scrutinized her and then recognition filtered my senses. I watched her as if from a distance and didn't even consider vocalizing my request for an autograph.
   When we got to the auditorium Francois, the wife of the author of Mouse, and Marjane had a discussion. She was very lively, with a wicked sense of humor and the easy camaraderie was seen with Francois. The discussion ended and Marjane got off the stage without asking if anyone wanted an autograph. Disappointed, I had hoped that there would be an opportunity to sign books. She only signed one book for an individual in the front row and briskly walked out of the auditorium. I considered her self proclaimed title of being a solitaire and wrote off that as the reason for her quick exit.
      They were many story lines within the movie. It was confusing at first, how to connect all the various dots. Eventually it became apparent what the link was but not until the very end of the movie. I found my attention wandering. It was strange how Marjane knew the story and the various story lines. I guess the medium change was Marjane attempt at trying to evolve as an artist. I couldn't put my finger on it but the movie lacked a certain element. Overall it was a different experience but still disappointing.

Journal Entry 11: Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress

    Balzac and The Little Chinese Seamstress is a book that brings up many riveting issues. I found it interesting how working professionals, such as Doctors and Dentists, were considered  the enemy by the current government in that time period.
     One scene that stood out was where the narrator shed tears over the public humiliation of the doctor and got socked for his sympathy. Why would Lou punch him for that emotion? Is it a sign of weakness or does it just amplify the doctors humiliation, Lou's father?
    The violin is criticized and analyzed by the villagers yet when the narrator starts playing it, it fascinates them and they don't burn the instrument as planned. The idea of burning brings me back to Fahrenheit 451 but with an additional stretch, the burning of anything literary or remotely different.
       The irony is that the head village is delighted by their Western trappings and even send them to the movies to watch the latest shows. Ultimately, the power of narration that Lou uses saves the comrades from their tedious existence and they even get a sense of a weird sense of control in their dire circumstances.
        What really confused me is that the actual facts was that the teenagers never finished Junior High School! This was because of the constant political turmoil.

         The boys are bedded down next to a pigsty. They are also made to carry animal feces on their backs and all of this is to reeducate them. Manual labor is a form of education.
          The sense of time is also very keen and the use of the alarm clock helps to not only seize the imagination of the villagers but also gives the characters another form of control. Time is constantly forwarded or reversed to ease the grueling tasks of reeducation. At one point the realization dawns on the boys that they don't even know what the really time is anymore. Their true sense of time has been forever forsaken.

Dream

I am a dream
    You have obtained
             But never fully hold.

A wraith,
              Desirable
                              Yet inscrutable to your eyes.

Died........
          A thousand deaths
          Bruised
                      Old soul covered by youths countenance

Tears
        Shimmer n my midnight eyes
        heartfelt and still pure.

Dreams of my own, separated motivations
that no longer exists or lingers.

You dream of me
                            I've dreamt ..........
                            The past collide with the present
                             To a future where I am never more.

Persepolis: Journal Entry No 9 04/19/12

   This was the only journal entry that I wrote for this book.

    I really enjoyed the book, Persepolis,  considering that it was the first book that I read with graphic art. I was shocked by the authors thinking. She thinks of herself as a prophet, talks to God, and considers pursuing a career in being divine which is taboo in the religion of Islam. That is because we believe that Prophet Mohammed PBUH is the last Prophet and the seal of all Prophets. We believe that there were Messengers and Prophets before him, including but not limited to Abraham, Moses, and Ismail know to the Christians as Jesus.

     For her  to actually consider being a prophet as a career choice was very astonishing. In the book she is easily led by people when she goes overseas. This is also surprising that despite her families disagreements with the Iranian government, they are very proud Iranians. Regardless, the reality of being Iranian is something that Satrapi will never escape. The indication of this is when she screams her heritage on page 197     at the girls in the cafe which is also her moment of self realization.
   
      The way Satrapi draws herself, during her adolescent years, on page 189, is very amusing. It is a common phase that adolescents go through of being repelled and  fascinated with new prepubescent changes in her body. The fact that Satrapi realizes that she is being used by Markus, her boyfriend, is no surprise to me. Markus never stood up to his mother about her. He even asked her for money many times which is not the most gentlemanly thing to do. I think blaming politics for Satrapis' state of mind is not valid. This is because she spent many years abroad in the influence of western culture. They are many factors behind her way of life. Her family, her identity crisis, and trying to fit in shows her to be very malleable.
     The ending of the book is very abrupt and feels like a door slams in your face. Its like she has opened Pandora's box and is trying to effectively close it. The passage of her life ending in Iran is sealed by her grandmothers' death. She mentions that freedom has a price and I do agree with her. She has lost her family, birth place and relating to any country is hard for her.
     I told my friend that I was a nomad with no country. I am not accepted by Pakistanis because I can't speak or read  the language properly. I am not accepted by people in America because I am not born here. Even though I sound like an American, the minute I tell them I am not born here I have a fictional accent that would become apparent. My sister tells me it doesn't matter if your born here because all people see is your heritage. Of five siblings I am the one that was not born on American soil. Sometimes it feels like the person within you doesn't matter rather the nation you represent. I wonder what nation I represent? I am an observer of two countries yet the feeling of belonging is not felt in either.

Journal Entry No 8 March 20 2010

 "Lolita in Tehran" is a disturbing book where everything is black and white. The author depicts everything as being bad and a threat to her identity.
    In the book there is a scene where she is having a ham sandwich with the magician. I found that highly disrespectful and a sign of her insecurities. Not all the Muslims rebel by yearning for a ham sandwich. I find friends that wear veils aka Naqab sexy and mysterious. These women feel like they exhibit control and power by wearing veils.
   Considering the times we live in, one Muslims discontent exhibited negatively backlashes against the whole community. Nafisi should have considered the backlash of her words and the power behind them. Before 9/11 I never knew who Osama Bin Laden was. According to the stereotypes that have arisen since then, being Muslim means that I am somehow related to him. I find it highly atrocious and crazy that I am judged by his actions. The consequence of his lunacy- discrimination, governmental spying and invasion of privacy.
   On one point I do agree with Nafisi, she should be allowed to the wear the hijab if she chooses to do so. It is her decision to make. Religion, regardless of the name, should be willingly followed.
    Recently in  the news reported there was an Orthodox Jewish man killing an Orthodox Jewish boy in Boro Park, Brooklyn. The guy chopped the little boy into pieces and shoved him into the refrigerator. There was also speculation of cannibalism. Should I consider all Jewish men from Boro Park cannibals? Should I fear going into that part of the neighborhood?
     With the talk of chickens in the book, I tend to agree with Hamid Dabashi. I also think Nafisi is trying very hard to come across as Western and one of the mold.


   

My piece of paper

Freedom,
              is a huge word to most
              insignificant to others.

Dreamed of that word,
                              when I was running in the playground
                               I knew that I would attain
                               A certain piece of paper.

Then I met you .....................
                 You...................
                  Made me waver with the hidden allure
                  The dreams that I never acknowledged.

You whispered in my ear
The temptation
                       your lies of infinite.

Constantly,
               tossing and turning
                Yes...............
                 Oh Yes, I gambled and risked it all...............

Nothing
           that is what is left..
            Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip.......................
            Shred that piece ................
            Yes that piece of paper.

Why?
        I question myself...............................
        Wavered without a thought
        Or a counter argument.

Illogical,
           my persona
                        Sudoku incomplete on my bookshelf.

Gained,
           Yet hidden
                          In the darkness of my closet.

You
         Caused this
                        question sanity of living within a classroom.

Chained
             Pushed
                         Shoved.



My piece of paper...............
                   My symbol of acceptance
                             My symbol of loneliness
                                                                Just because you passed me
                                                                                       Journeyed by me.

Rite Aid should be called Band Aid

     It’s laughable how easy it is to find a job in the sales industry and yet the lack of actual customer service is so daunting. I don’t know about you guys but I pride true customer service. I was part of that industry and I had always exhibited the best.  To find it and be shocked into speechlessness is how often I come across it. Besides the fact that the title rhymes; the horrific experiences that I’ve had at this Pharmacy chain is beyond belief. Now one “W” is very prominent. “Why do you go there?” I will answer that question in due time. So don’t slip in your puddle with you lack of patience or pee in your pants.
         It all started in the month of April and yet the confrontation is still fresh in my mind. It was unwarranted the harassment I faced just to buy bottles of shampoo and boxes of soda. Instead of being heralded as a great customer, loyal to the extreme that spent over 100 dollars at this store; I was treated worse than a shoplifter.
       The sale was to buy three boxes of soda of 12 oz cans for 11 dollars which was a great deal but the real reason I was there was to buy overpriced shampoo bottles that were on sale. RiteAid was the only pharmacy that I found to have John Frieda on sale for “Buy one and Get one for 50% off” with a 5 dollar cash back option if you bought shampoo for more than fifteen dollars.
            Than the notch count against the common people began.  First the soda cans that were on their shelves were expired. There was only one person on the floor who had a clue about the sale. Their sale stickers were all old and no one had bothered to put the new ones up. Then I went up to the counter and found out that the cashier had no clue which  soda brands were on sale. He was asking me the customer if I knew. Then he went ahead and charged me for the soda that I didn’t want even though I repeated a zillion times that I didn’t want the product.  Annoyed, I was a bit short with the guy and I told him that this is his job to know the current prices in the store not mine.
            After the horrendous trial of just paying, I was catching up with my ex roommate that I had happened to bump into while at Rite-Aid. She had worked on Wall Street and had recently been laid off. We mentioned our various occupations, the economic downturn and lack of jobs. During this time the incompetent staff was privy to our conversation and I didn't know that would escalate into a situation where I would personally be under attack. I was about to leave the store and I mentioned to the security guard that I would need to take the shopping cart to my car since I had so many purchases that would make it hard for me to carry. He grunted and said as long as I bought the cart back to the store it was fine. I said farewell to my roomie and went to the car. When I turned back and wheeled the cart back into the store. I found the guard outside and the first thing he said “You gave the cashier a very rough time.” I frowned in confusion and responded “Well he didn't know what he was doing.” He agreed but then he prolonged the conversation and he tried to turn the tables and said “You should have been nice to him.”  Incredulous I was like “I am just returning the cart, unless you are the manager of this store why are we having this conversation?”  Then the personal attacks began; I was bitter ……. I had problems… Did I even have a man………he was just talking to me. Who cares if I just spent an easy 50 dollars on one transaction?  At this point I had enough. I gave him a really good backlash which included losing my temper and giving him a good dose of the true Brooklyn language. The manager was not there and the guards  name tag was turned around. Very sarcastically I said “So that is why you make sure your name is so inconspicuous.” I laughed in his face and I said; “You are a waste of my time. I will be making a few phone calls and filing an online complaint with Rite-Aid.” During this time a crowd had gathered and one customer actually came and asked me what the whole scene was about. My response I should have called the cops and pressed charges for such harassment of the verbal kind. Plus I should have just left the cart in the parking lot instead of being courteous and returning it to the store.
               I got home and filed an online complaint. The next business day, I called the company using their 1800 number open to the public. That very afternoon I got phone calls from a 718 number. No voice-mail, just hang-ups. This made me raise my eyebrows. Finally, I found that it was the Regional Manager of Rite Aid. Why didn't he leave a voice message which would be the norm? He apologized for my experience. During this time I was not allowed to talk and mention my grievances. He blamed the easy target; the cashier. My complaint was with the security guard. Then he mentioned policies and procedures like I was a two year old. Like come on even if you worked at McDonald’s; they are policies and procedures to follow. There was no talk of reprimanding the security guard.  The apology; a band aid useless when wet and came off easily.
            The next time I went to that Rite Aid………………… the cashier wasn't present but I did see the security guard. Oh and by the way he was telling another female customer ahead of me, quite candidly, how stupid he thought she was. She responded with a smile. Did they know one another? I don’t know. Was it professional? No.  As a customer I believe once you’re on the job your personal life should be out the door. He saw me looking at him and I believe he refrained from using perverse words of another nature.  I was highly irked with these new tidings and the outcome of my complaint which had been so easily disregarded. I sent the Regional Manager an email. It said the following:

Dear Richard:
Not that long ago I went to that location again. I was horrified to see that you still have that atrocious security guard working there. I see that the customers opinions are considered null and insignificant. His inappropriate remarks are generously rewarded. Considering that factor I was not surprised to overhear another inappropriate remark with his then present conversation with another customer. 
I used to work for a Rite Aid as a teenager, but if  he had did what he verbally did with me at my current firm which  I work for, he would have been terminated for his lack of professionalism. I am surprised that you keep on such employees when he is from a third party and probably a dime a dozen. 
I will take my business elsewhere and trust me when I say that word of mouth is very powerful. I was willing to consider the Rite Aid employees being written up or given a verbal warning because I understand that procedures differ at each company. For you to keep on a security guard that intimidates customers is horrible. Your lucky that nobody has called 911 for his harassing behavior. 
Since I am an Accountant and well versed in the business world I will tell you this. I will make sure everybody that I know in the immediate vicinity will not go to that Rite Aid or any other. I will even post my bad customer service experiences on my blog. I hope you will enjoy that since I can see how much you care about customer service. I will take all my prescriptions and my family members to CVS. I will also promote CVS and tell everybody I know or even briefly acquainted with why I dont go to Rite Aid. Competition is lovely thing isn't it? Especially in the private sector. 
I hope this has given you food for thought. I am disgusted that I have to mention my background for you to take me seriously. 

Regards,

Anam Shah ……

The Regional Mangers response to my concerns about a security guard that harassed female customers?  There was none. Great Customer service! My only regret, I should have called the cops and filed a complaint against that bloke of a security guard when I had the chance!

Customer Service

   Considering the horrible customer service experiences I have dealt with in the past couple of months , my next blog entry will explore this topic. I will narrate my experiences and why I take customer service so seriously.  The obvious reason would be the assumption that the customer is a paying customer and hence pays for the privilege. The lack of that therein is very baffling.

Journal Entry No 7: Lolita in Tehran

     The book begins with the author mentioning a picture of her group of students for the secret literature class. She compares two pictures, one with the burkas and the hijabs and the other picture where the girls are not wearing their veils. The splash of color between the two pictures make against the authors subconscious is highly evident with the tone she initiates within the memory.
     I find myself very annoyed with the author. I say this with experience. When I was 10 years old, I went to a summer camp that taught  Islam. I discovered the importance of the word and that I was Muslim. I always knew I was different from the other kids in my elementary school. As infamous as Pakistan is now, in the news, back then it was obscure not even known what part of the globe it was located in. Being bullied for my dark  "looks" had made me a very introverted child. I found my sanctuary from books, a place where I could breathe without the constant harassment about things I couldn't control. Teachers barely acknowledge bullying but from a child's' perspective I knew that my teacher was aware of my bullying as well as other children but it was ignored as children conversing and not a big deal. That summer the book I would be introduced to would be the Holy Quran.. I was fascinated by the stories of the Holy Prophets.
Until that moment my family was cultural which is very different from  being religious. Pakistani Culture does have some influence of Hinduism since it was part of India before the partition. One example is matrimony which can last for a week and is very similar to a traditional Hindu wedding, bridal dresses and traditions, with the only difference which is the Nikkah. I asked my mother to make me scarves. I had that feeling of belonging that was lacking in school. My mom was delighted with my enthusiasm and didn't discourage me from my choice, even though she didn't cover her own hair. I bought books about the life of the Holy prophet. I read books about various Hadiths. I had discovered a world of respect where no one  bullied me or called me names. My friends were from different countries and races, we were joined by the stitches of faith. I was accepted. Those were the happiest days of my life. Nothing could take me out of my dreamlike reverie. Nothing except for the event of 9/11. 9/11 changed my world and impelled me to assimilate.
          The author has no pride for her roots. In her liberation so far I find her narrow. I was also upset with the regime in Iran and how they took things such  as having blush in your bag to the extreme. I acknowledge that there is a problem there. I was also upset with how they jailed Manshid for her beliefs. Ignorance is the word for jailing women (people) for their beliefs yet we even find that in the states. Sadly one case is of Fahad Hashmi, who is Pakistani - American who is in imposed self isolation in the United States without the fairness of a trial which is his constitutional right. This is only because of what he is and for being a Muslim who openly advocated to protect the rights of Muslim Americans after September 11. For his beliefs he is in imposed self isolation for years, pretrial,  with no communication with the outside role, no sunlight or even the freedom to choose his reading materials.
         I do believe that following religion and the act of wearing the hijab should come from within. I am also disgusted with Muslims, that think being westernized will allow them to be accepted into the West with open arms. These individuals ostracize people that are  converse to what they portray and being in the middle of such a spectacle I can see a lot of different ideas. Apparently society, even a democratic one that wants to shine with example, has problems .

Catalysts: Empowered women or Victims?

 Catalysts: Empowered women or Victims?

                  Relationships are important and essential to living a normal life. The genders of the individuals involved play crucial roles within these relationships. In Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury and Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, the female characters Clarisse and Lolita become the catalysts to sequences of events that inadvertently affect the lives of not only the male characters, Guy Montag and Humbert Humbert, but also the sequences of events throughout their books. These events clearly show the power that both Clarisse and Lolita have, despite their lack of experience and age.
           Clarisse is depicted as very ethereal in Montag’s mind. Their first meeting makes a huge dent in Montag’s armor. He finds her questions disgruntling but they force him to think. When he returns home after meeting her for the first time, he sees the stark contrast between Clarisse and his wife. His wife is the total converse of Clarisse; a very shallow woman who just wants to watch T.V.  Montag amplifies Clarisse in his mind.  This is very evident when Montag thinks that she “had a very thin face like the dial of a small clock seen faintly in a dark room in the middle of a night when you waken to see the time and see the clock telling you the hour and the minute and the second with a white silence and a glowing, all certainty and knowing what it had to tell of the night passing swiftly on toward further darkness, but moving also toward a new sun (Bradbury, 10).” He is acutely aware of not just her physical appearance but also the strong emotions that she brings to the forefront. That description is a door into the subconscious mind of Montag. He is well aware, albeit unconsciously, that Clarisse is not meant to be in his life for a long period of time. The large age difference between Clarisse and Montag is a common denominator between both books. In Montag’s case it’s a difference of thirteen years.
                 Lolita is twelve when she and Humbert Humbert first meet. He is a man of great learning yet he is shown to have Lolita on a pedestal from the day that he first meets her. She was considered a grubby child by her own mother, yet Hubert’s’ descriptions of Lolita are of a beauty so undefined that his descriptions can go on for pages. These descriptions are in direct conflict with who Lolita actually is as a person. However, Humbert is well aware of the reality and acknowledges incidents that show her as she truly is. The advertisements that affect Lolita during their travels are examples of this, showing how she would take them at face value. There is a mention of that in the following: “She it was to whom ads were dedicated: the ideal consumer, the subject and object of every foul poster (Nabokov, 148).” His relationship and love is so one - sided that it often leads to ridicule from Lolita. This includes cussing and demeaning him. Humbert Humbert has to cajole her through the use of threats and constant entertainment in order to keep her his complacent Lolita. Humbert is not above using the threat that she will “become the ward of the Department of Public Welfare- which I am afraid sounds a little bleak (Nabokov, 151) ” if she doesn’t comply.   This is done to attain her full cooperation and make sure she doesn’t disclose the full reality of their relationship to anyone.              
            Clarisse’s questions are her weapons of choice. She is fully aware of the fact that she is asking the wrong questions, which would be normal in the real world, and delights in discomforting Montag. The woman in the fire that dies with the books supports those very discomforts that Clarisse’s questions kindle. The fact that a women dies with her books is another show of the gender power which also reinforces Clarisse’s questions about burning the books. That sequence of events coincidentally falls into the same time span as Clarisse’s’ questions. The next day, Montag is so disturbed by the death that he pleads sick from work. Around this time Clarisse disappears and Montag constantly asks about her. Their ghostly conversations repeat themselves in his mind.   This also leads to Montag’s exposure for the book hoarder that he truly is. He confides in his wife about the hidden books, who is greatly horrified. Were it not for the effect of Clarisse he never would have confided in her. This leads to his meeting with Faber, a fellow reader in hiding.  Beatty, the antagonist, dies in the end, which is another common denominator with Lolita because Quilty is killed by Humbert Humbert.  With Beatty’s death comes the realization that “Beatty had wanted to die. He had just stood there, not really trying to save himself (Bradbury, 122).”
           Lolita was a persona in his mind before Humbert Humbert even knew of her existence. This is seen through the mention of Annabel in the beginning of his narration. The power of the unattainable amplifies the lure of Lolita. The fact that Humbert Humbert kills Quilty towards the end, for kidnapping her, is another sign of her power. Even though Lolita is no longer in his life and pregnant with another man’s child, Humbert is still willing to take Lolita with him.   Toward the end of the book all his actions are driven by Lolita, as was Montag’s by Clarisse. Humber Humbert respects Lolita’s privacy, at the end, when he makes the statement “I make all the legal impact and support of a signed testament:  I wish this memoir to be published only when Lolita is no longer alive (Nabokov, 309).”
         The main characters Humbert and Montag are both influenced by women. Guy is troubled by Clarisse’s questions to the point that the hidden layers of his life are out in the open. It moves him to action. The main male characters, in both Lolita and Fahrenheit 451, kill the antagonists with their own hands. They both end up with a legacy: Guy with his entourage of fellow book readers and Humbert with his memoir. Regardless of how it initially began, all the events were kindled and sparked by two inexperienced girls, who swayed the two men with not only their beauty but also with the power of words.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Journal Entry Number 6: Lolita

Lolita is given great power as a nymphet and it just reinforced this article that I came across on Yahoo the other day. It was about young girls and the pressure they face in the technological society, such as Facebook, to look pretty.
The article actually continued to say how it was all about looking sexy and a lot of teens as well as tweens are fully aware of this. Throughout the novel Lolita is fully aware of how she affects Humbert and she tries to utilize that to get what she wants. For her childhood to consist of that is very horrific. Despite the pros and puns, childhood should not be smeared with sexuality.
Going back to the article that I just mentioned looking pretty for these young girls consist of awkward poses and scanty clothy. Young girls that have not fully developed are showing their cleavages and trying to attract any form of attention. Cyber stalkers are having a field day. My question at this point, would Lolita have been more vulnerable in this high geared technological society versus the fifties?
They are many issues that creep into the mind. I am not saying that technology is bad but its not just all flowery either. The fact that young girls cant go through the awkward phases of childhood is horrible and inadvertently a loss to our society.
There is so much eye candy for pedophiles on the internet. It makes the accessibility of vulnerable children quite easy. There are girls, on Facebook, that don't know who half their friends are and just want to add them because they want the attention.
With this article, there were many comments about the responsibility that parents have to protect their children and make sure that they are appropriate. To blame Facebook for the entire issue would be highly unfair.
I knew kids in high school that would actually drink and be encouraged by their parents. There parents didn't care to implement the drinking age and thought it was fully appropriate for the child to drink or get drunk. Some of my fellow classmates were alcholic as teens.
A lot of disturbing questions and yet no real answer.

Journal Entry No 5: "Lolita, My Mother-in-law, the Marquis de Sade, and Larry Flint"

      Thoughts were spiraling in my head . I could  not contain them even if I wanted to. The essay, "Lolita, My Mother-in-law, the Marquis de Sade, and Larry Flint" by Norman Podhoretz,  in itself was really interesting and I say this with the utmost sincerity. The author mentions his mother in law and her denial of the truth. He talks of her like a benign stranger with a distant aloofness. The fact that she denies the sinfulness in the Mid-west annoys the author who is a Native New Yorker. He mentions coming across this article about a pedophile and in the process ends up venting about his mother in law.
    Personally, I feel like denial is the best form of protection from the outside world. I live in Bensonhurst and growing up it was an Italian dominated neighborhood. At this point and time it's predominantly Asian and heavily diversified. Italians still live here and yet they are horrified with the change in the ethnicity in the neighborhood. I was walking on the sidewalk the other day and an Italian individual mumbles "I don't like change"  while looking dead at me. I presume he wanted a confrontation of some sort and I refuse to cave in to such patronizing conversation. My amazement was in the fact that he did not notice that the majority of people around him were not Italian. This kind of behavior, in New York, would be astonishing for some but it still does occur.
     The author mentions a book that was banned called the "Last Exit in Brooklyn" by Selby Jr. The fact that the book was banned made my mind question with all caps "WHY"! I was so curious that I had to stop reading the article and find the book. With the self imposed intermission, I ended up reading the short story "Tralala" that mentioned a gang rape of a prostitute with the frank clarity that was horrific. Yet, I wanted to understand, my questions were stark and demanded an answer. Common questions would be "Where is the mother of this minor?" "How did she come to be in such a predicament?" When Tralala is offered love she does not understand and just trashes the letter like the trashy lifestyle that she embraces.
        This scene was considered pornography and was an issue in a courtroom. There was  much outrage over the graphic undertones of the novel and local shop owners were taken to court for selling them. Today, Lindsay Lohans' mother considers it "classy" if her daughter poses nude for the Playboy magazine. Nude magazines are highly accessible and religions seems to have no influence. The costliness of maintaining censorship overrides the stance that certain local communities would like to take. The stance that needs money to stand on is that really a true outcry of morality? Shouldn't communities consider the protection that they wish to engulf their children in?
          The author is very contrite when he defends pornography with the defense that all books cause emotion and pornography should be considered another extension of that very emotion. He mentions that Nabokovs' wordplay has no regard for the reader which I do agree with. I found while reading "Lolita" the fact that I had to constantly flip pages annoying. The annotation made it seem like I was reading a textbook. I do concede that the prose and puns, once understood, were remarkable in understanding Humbert Humberts' character but the length of time that it took to read and decipher this puzzle of Lolita was quite lengthy and frustrating.
       Regardless, I have waded through the thorns of puns and prose of "Lolita" and  came to appreciate the love of words that Nabokov does convey. This is a book that I truly believe came into existence to quench his love of the interplay of words in a language.

Lolita Continued: Journal Entry No 4

  Lolita s mother dies at the end of Part 1. I found it interesting that  Lolita is not one bit afraid of Humberts Humberts attention. Rather she mentions the word incest and with much relish. She is well aware, even at the tender age of 12, how immoral the relationship is.
   Part two begins with the two of them on a journey across the states. I found it bizarre the merging of paternal love with that of being a nymphet lover. Humberts matter of persuasion can be anything from bribing her, threatening her (with the fearful abode), to even confusing her. Humbert is a character of mass contradictions. He claims that he wants to protect Lolita yet he is the biggest danger to her physical self.
  Even at the end when Lolita is pregnant with another mans child, Humbert desires her. This situation reminded me of a recent recovery of a victim of pedophilia, named Joyce Dugard. She was impelled to have two children with her abuser. Diane Sawyer did a special on her and was horrified when she calmly stated that her abuser was the  father or "Daddy" of her children.
   The lack of horror confounded Diane and I truly believe that is what horrifies society about Nabokov. Nabokov had the audacity to use the pedophiles viewpoint and present it to the public. Expectations from society would have been horror, disgust and indignation. The lack of that response from the author might have baffled certain people. The language, of the book, unique as it is in bringing beauty to the tale of pedophilia also backs the theory that not all pedophiles are victims of child abuse.

Lolita: Journal Entry No 3

     Lolita is a book that I find highly disturbing. I read this book initially in my Freshman year of college. I was horrified by the subject matter, that of pedophile, and lacked the eagerness to understand it.
      The fact that life has impelled Lolita to the forefront at this time in my life is highly symbolic for me. Even as a freshman in college, I could see the beauty of prose that Vladimir used in this book.
      Experiences make up the person and I am no different, yet this book brings up the question of pedophile and how beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty and pedophile in one sentence would horrify many people but isn't that what Vladimir desired?  Normalcy is what we make it? "We" would be society, and Humbert Humbert shatters the box of that very "we". Vladimir would have found that amusing and probably did, the ripples in the pond that his book became.
   Since the mention of the book "Satanic Verses", I have been thinking of that book constantly. I even went so far as to go to the library to grab a copy. It is harder to fight with a quill, as one might know, yet the impact of words is inarguable. Knowledge does come at a price and innocence is never redeemable yet I have already paid that price.
    In my freshman year of college I was exposed to many subjects that to this day are considered taboo. Vladimir does question  how society can consider the vulnerability of young children. Did he have awareness in mind? The awareness of people, like Humbert Humbert, and what steps should be taken to avoid Lolita s' plight?
    I actually did research in reference to the background and found it funny how his wife Vera carried a gun to protect him. Vladimir never learned how to drive; his wife was his driver and bodyguard. The author was a masterpiece of contradictions. The prose and subject matter in the book Lolita is in itself a contradiction.

Scream (written in 2011)

Aggggggggh

Screaming oblivion
Seeing an abyss
Unknown tide

Splash

Water everywhere
Drifting hair......... like thin noodle's
Limbs, glistening under moon.........

Waves wide.......... widen........ widening
Make bigger abyss
Drowning identity

Screech

Seagulls hover
Watching scene
Natures witness
Ominous silence reigns.

The innocence of childhood (Note intially written in 2003)

The innocence of childhood
has come and  washed away.
Full of childish delights,
of lofty heights and play.

The giggle of laughter
has become yesterday.
For childhood is little
Compared to life ahead;
Filled with gay naivety
pretend and play.

Woe to people,
who destroy such fun!
For childhoods shorts
are not made for the run
of the long life ahead...................

You'll find a lot of thrones
in the life ahead ....................
That might bend inwards
with shreds of glass
Made of the very tears that shed.

For happiness in naivety
is precious that is true!
Once childhood is over ...........
It'll never come anew!

Scholarly Pursuits or Hidden Agenda?

Title: Scholarly Pursuits or Hidden Agenda ?


Azar Nafisi’s book Reading Lolita in Tehran is a memoir that emphasizes American literature to portray various aspects of the oppressions in Iran against women. At the same time her informative nature leads the reader into the interpretation that Nafisi believes she is an expert on everything she talks about. The fact that her book conveys such an a rigid stance about everything Iranian makes the reader wonder if there is another alternative besides her rigid stance. Professor Hamid Dabashi’s stance in his article, “Native informers and the making of the American empire,” that the book is “insular’ and an “illusionary text” is justified (Dabashi 7), especially since Nafisi does not back her view with any scholarly interpretations other then her own authoritative one; rather her message can be conveyed through other means that would not glorify Western literature.
Dabashi believes that Nafisi is a colonist and agent for the “American Empire” and is also is “reminiscent of the most pestiferous colonial projects of the British in India”(Dabashi 3) . He reinforces that statement by using a quote of a colonial officer, Thomas Macaulay, who believed in having a class of Indians that were educated in England with British tastes. He believes that Reading Lolita in Tehran is a similar attempt to create a class of agents of colonialism by Nafisi, who was educated abroad and throughout most of her memoir pushes Western literature. Nafisi believes, by using the book Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov as an example, that Western literature is a “defense not just of beauty but of life, ordinary everyday life, all the normal pleasures” (Nafisi 33) that were taken away by the Iranian government. She never mentions why normal everyday life should be Western for all Iranians, including the average Iranian man, and not Iranian in nature. Dabashi continues to quote Mr. Viswanathan who believes that “the establishment of English literary studies” goes “back to its colonial origins in India and as an effective strategy of colonial control”(Dabashi 5). He asserts that Nafisi is like one of those Indians who were used by colonists to keep the population of the colonies in line. He also points out that she is from a privileged Iranian family that were able to afford to send their daughter overseas to be educated and the privileged are the elite minority in Iran. There is also a question of whether the common man in Iran even has the opportunity or choice of going overseas for a Western education.
Dabashi mentions the cover of Reading Lolita in Tehran and how it has been robbed from its true context. He mentions that the original image was “distorted” intentionally from its true purpose which was really conniving. The real picture is of female students reading about a political outcome in an Iranian newspaper on a college campus in Iran. They are also in front of a poster of President Khatami, who represents the reformists’ movement. Dabashi believes that Nafisi is stripping the intelligence of those Iranian women by suggesting that a sign of intelligence is only shown through the reading and knowledge of Western literature. The image also contradicts the fact that when her students came to her house Nafisi does tell them that they can “take that off ,” ( Nafisi 12) meaning their veil. So the image on the cover, that they are wearing their veils while they are readings the books, is inaccurate and misleading and there is evidence in Reading Lolita in Tehran that backs Dabashis’ claim.
Nafisi even goes so far as to put The Great Gatsby by Scott F. Fitzgerald on trial while she teaches the book in her class. Since Nafisi had suggested putting the book on trial she was encouraged to defend it to which she responded that she “should not be the defense but the defendant,” “ and to talk in my own defense” (Nafisi 121) which makes Nafisi’s stance, of the books, an extension or even reflection of herself. Dabashi criticizes Nafisi for that very authoritative gesture and omissions that “any relevant theory amassed for generations about and around the works of the authors that hold the four chapters of the books narratively together” (Dabashi 7). Dabashi’s view on this point does hit the mark that The Great Gatsby and Lolita were not always considered classics, that in the beginning right after publications there have been many criticisms of both books and even attempts at banning. Nafisi does not care to recollect that fact and if there is its as a slight inclination that is just an after thought. Nafisi even forgets the history behind the perception of Lolita, in the US and Europe, like it has been a “piece of proverbial cake” (Dabashi 9). Nabokov was turned down by many publishers before he found “Maurice Girodia Olympia Press” which published pornographic titles. The fact that Nafisi considers only Iran as a country that bans books is clearly intentional and attempts to conceal the fact that they there have been attempts in the West to ban Western literature.
There is even a scene in the book where Nafisi and her “magician” have ham sandwiches at his dining room table “greedily biting into a “forbidden ham and cheese sandwich“ (Nafisi 55). The fact that pork is taboo has not escaped Nafisi and her magician and they gleefully portray that and it ultimately rises the question of why? How does eating pork emphasize the harm that the Islamic regime has put the Iranian women through? Yet again Nafisi ignores the fact that the West is benevolent, in principle, to all forms of religions and the freedom of practicing ones religion. The West does cater to the other types of food such as kosher and halal. At this point her message is unclear and the interpretation, for the cause, is very obscure. Does her actions reflect any world that she mentions the “West” or even the Iranian Regime? Nafisi’s, message, if any, is very unclear at this point.
Every country has undergone change to reach the pedestal it is currently on. America, as a country, went through many changes from the moment of its birth to its current position as a supreme power. They are various historians within America with different positions and stances about America’s history. Nafisi conveys the arrogance of thinking she can be the only voice of Iran with one opinion that does not allow room for any other. Dabashi, who is also a professor at Columbia University an Ivy League University, questions this arrogance by pointing out the flaws in her arguments which are completely justified. He does admit that they are issues in relevance to the role of women in Iran that need to be addressed. He doesn’t agree with her platform but also doesn’t agree with her patronization of other forms of literature by emphasizing only one category, that of the West. Scholarly disputes do come up and Dabashi makes a strong claim with evidence that were in existence prior to his article. Nafisi only uses her life and shuttered view of evidence to convey her stance. Although a memoir is by nature only the author’s viewpoint, to hold it up as the only viewpoint is misleading and contrary to the values of the freedom of expression she so values of the West. She forgets that the books she mentions were initially banned when first published. Banning of books, though not encouraged, are still attempted at even in America. Nafisi holds up America as an icon yet overlooks even that simple fact which would go against her point that the West is ideal.






















Bibliography Page:
1. Nafisi, Azar. Reading Lolita in Tehran: A memoir in books. New York: Random House Trade Paperbacks, 2008.
2. Dabashi, Hamid. "Native informers and the making of the American empire." Al-Ahram Weekly. 7 June 2006. Al - Ahram. 12 May 2012 .

Bicycle

I have never been able
                         to ride
                                 a bicycle.

Childhood innocence was denied,
             the laughter of the carefree
             was never uttered by me.

Always the outcast
at home and in school,
selected for this life of solitude.

I've saddled responsibilities,
a never ending shadow
cast over me.


I have never been able
                         to ride
                                 a bicycle.

To join the various children
at play,
who raced.........

To their hearts content.

Bitterness embodies me
while sitting at my dining room table -
just a physical presence,

Casually,
            I am being ignored
            by many and nobody.

Yet,
 I have never been able
                         to ride
                                 a bicycle.

The shadow
                of incompetence
                 mocks me day and night.

For carefree dreams
                were denied to me,
                 without a waver or thought.

Journal Entry Number 2 (Fahrenheit 451)

It seems like fighting fire with fire is the conclusion to Fahrenheit 451. Montag kills the Captain for trying to threaten Faber. The irony is the Books, the very thing the firemen burn, have infiltrated the firemen s' ranks.

The suppression of literature is highly important in many societies. My own experience, in relevance to this, was reinforced by reading books. My parents were always afraid of their children being exposed to books that were sexually explicit in content. I remember reading a book in the fourth grade called "Sign of the Beaver." The cover depicted an American Indian with long hair and a young pioneer. My parents assumed that the Indian was a a girl and took that book away from me. My parents were from another country that immigrated to America, they never once considered reading the book themselves and finding the evil that they believed lurked within.


That only gave ammunition to my thirst of reading. I bought books with my pocket money and went without snacks. I would read books with a night light so no one would hinder me. I was determined to feed my thirst and didn't understand what my parents were trying to save me from.

This led to the alienation between me and my parents. To this very day, I dont have a good relationship with my mother, who is my sole surviving parent. Montag is alienated from the firemen and I am from my family.

In the end Montag joins a group of rebels and considers himself a book. Books made me question and at the same time isolate me. Isolate me from not just one culture but two, the West and the traditional South Asian.

Journal Entry Number 1 (Fahrenheit 451)

Part one is about Montag burning books. The story begins with him having fun and grinning while he does it. I found it beyond understanding how he would consider burning books and melting marshmallows at the same time.
After burning the books the fact that Montag is walking so casually home is highly unsettling. He is whistling and is enjoying life. Clarisse makes him question his whole existence. It is found even before he meets her, with the inkling of his subconscious, knows of her presence before he actually meets her.
The rain seems to cleanse Montag and he becomes a new person.This is very symbolic and is a premonition of his life's changing course.
A mechanical hound is seen as amusement when it kills cats, mice, and chickens. Its very disturbing that this is for the fireman's amusement.
Clarisse seems to be very normal and the funny thing is that she is considered anti-social. Being responsible is frowned upon by Montag's society.
All the firemen look the same and the realization shocks Montag who had never realized it before. This is very similar to how our society encourages one type of clothing, such as jeans, wearing brands, similar hairstyles amongst other things that are deemed appropriate.
The fact that the neighbors call the fire department is the most disturbing thing. It seems like there is no privacy in his world.
The scene where the woman dies is a turning point in Montags' life. This is where he steals the book and hides it. The woman is witnessing the destruction of her books and Montag feels very guilty. He feels like his ritual has been disturbed by her silent and condemning presence.

The fact that the woman struck the match herself is a sign of courage. She did not assimilate to societies demand but held her ground. Society even today tries to impel people to "Westernize". I remember being a kid in elementary school and told by my teachers that being different is something to celebrate. They would encourage me to wear my traditional dress and would complement me on my South Asian culture. That is no longer the case and I feel like our society closely resembles Montag's in this aspect.

The fact that the firemen remember phrases from their various fires' has a significant purpose. Subconsciously, firemen are aware of the fact that what they are doing is wrong. The sense of acute wrongness makes Montag wonder why all the fires occur at night.

The fact that suicide is downplayed so much by the Mildred is disturbing for Montag and myself. The fact that its always done with the high dosage of pills is another sign of the normalcy behind it. Doctors no longer bother themselves with suicides since they occur on a daily basis.

Montag feels like he is adrift in a world that makes no sense. I totally understand that feeling. I go home and my brothers are watching T.V. and they never have the time to sit at the dining table with the family. My sister is always on the phone or her I pad. I feel like Montag, I have to tiptoe in my house.

Its funny how books can enforce the lack in your life and at the same time make you wonder if things in your life should or can be better?

My Journal Entries

So I have realized that it has been a while since I have posted anything. I am going to start a new journal theme on my Blog. This will be based on the following books: Fahrenheit 451, Lolita in Tehran, Persepolis and Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress. Enjoy!